How?

Amanda… this one is for you. How am I doing it? Honestly, I have no firm response. We are all so different and our bodies respond differently to things so I hate to make prescriptions – but I will tell you some things about myself, my habits and my band.

1. I am not messing around. I am 38 years old and I have hated being fat for every second. I went into this with the mentality that this was my LAST CHANCE and I remind myself of that every day when I wake up.

2. I was an overeater, not a junk food addict. I think this makes a big difference. Honestly, I eat more ice cream now than I did before I was banded. I don’t have a super sweet tooth. I ate WAY TOO MUCH food – and as we all know, the band really deals with this issue quite easily.

3. I exercise religiously. I go at least 5 times per week for one hour and I use that hour to its maximum. I run, I climb stairs – but I mostly focus on lifting weights and retaining muscle mass inspite of the low calorie intake.

4. Honestly, I dieted until I had restriction, which means I lost weight in that period when many people just hold their weight.

5. I go to the doctor every month. I don’t skip. I need their insight and support. I know some doctors say not to come in until you stop losing weight, but my doctor is not like that. They want to see me, they want to watch my trends. So when I stop losing weight, I don’t have to go weeks to rectify it.

6. I focus on protein. Without fail, I get at least 60 grams a day. Sometimes, that means I don’t eat anything other than protein….;(

7. I don’t drink any of my calories (except protein shakes).

8. I treat the liquid periods after each fill as a cleanse or a modified fast. I shock my body and get a little reset effect. Good for my head 😉

And that’s really it so far…as things get more difficult here, I may have to be more careful about things. Today for example, I have had two cups of coffee, one protein shake, a cup of chicken soup and 3 ounces of chicken with a shot of mayo. I will have veggies and protein for dinner.

And I am not perfect….I don’t drink enough water. I find it really difficult to drink very cold things and I used to chug water and struggle with sipping it. I am working on it though…

A L M O S T…….

I weigh 216.8 today…. that is .8 lbs from 70 FREAKING POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!! No matter how my mind messes with that, that’s an undeniable number. This is not my typical thing – lose 10 pounds and then badger my husband “Do I look good? Can you tell? My pants are kind of loose…” No, this is different. This is unheard of. This is mind blowing. In fact, I am retiring my lane bryant belt today… yes, it is finally time. To think that a year ago, I could not even get it on, and now it is out of holes. Proof below…

Also, my goal jeans came today (not final goal, just next goal). They are a regular size 14…I can get them on, I just can’t quite do them up. It’s a great next goal. I am also hoping to hit ONEDERLAND in the next 6 weeks – by March 20th actually.

You guys are my support group!

So two of my awesome followers nominated me to receive this award. I really honestly don’t know what I would do without the outlet that this blog provides, nor what I would do without your comments, input and support. Love to you all!

Here’s the rules:
Thank the person who gave you the award, reveal seven things about yourself, and nominate 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered or love. Then leave a comment on their blog letting them know they’ve been nominated.

So… thank you FITBY40 and AMBER
. You both rock!

Seven things about myself….hmmmm.

1. I speak 5 languages and own my own translation company.
2. I grew up in Canada and have lived in France, Spain, Italy and Costa Rica.
3. My husband is from Costa Rica and we speak Spanish to our kids.
4. I have always felt like a skinny person and was ALWAYS shocked to see the fat person in the mirror.
5. I played college level field hockey.
6. I dream about going to Afghanistan and working with young girls.
7. I truly see my band as a gift and an opportunity to set straight some of the major things that have limited my life.

I read EVERYONE’s blogs – I love them. I love reading about other people’s perspectives and journeys. We all have so much in common and we are all on our way to freedom. I will assemble a list but I feel like I would exclude people if I limited it to 15…. everyone’s voice should be heard and honored.

Just one….

Ok – I bought this dress…size large. I mean regular large you know? Not plus size…. it will be my first dress NON plus size in more than 18 years. When it gets here, I will put it on and post a pic. It screamed MEXICO to me… or maybe I wish my boobs looked like hers (nothing Victoria’s Secret can’t fix).

Bump….

Went to see my doc today. They are super pleased and told me I need to be too. I have accomplished beyond their expectations and that feels pretty awesome. He gave me .5 ccs just as a little head reset. I hadn’t had a fill since October and have lost 38 pounds since that one. I love my doctor’s office. I would be lost without them….they are cheerleaders and they actually get it. I think bariatric patients, especially bandsters, spend a lot of time with people who don’t get it so I see my time in their office as refreshing.

Went to see the addiction therapist I had to see before my surgery. Just thought I would check in with him and discuss some of the changes and the ways I am dealing with them. It is hard for me to be nice to myself. I guess this is very common for the obese who think they deserve to suffer….that we are somehow less human than other people. If I can’t punish myself by eating garbage, what can I do? It was a great discussion about guilt, joy and fear of success.

So….here I am, on liquid again for the first time in months….staring these last 60 pounds right in the face. Let’s go!

Here it comes….

Tickets are in hand…. off to Mexico with my husband and two other couples in February. You know what that means, right? Bathing suit time…. 99% of women get agitated by bath suit shopping (and wearing), skinny or fat. But I am on the fence, last time I weighed 210 pounds, I certainly rocked a bikini. I was 23 then and didn’t give a damn. Why do I give a damn now? The one thing I resolve NOT to do is to go out and buy a black body sucker bathing suit with a skirt attached to it. I will not wear the swim dress. No way. Never again.

Attention

I go to the gym every morning, at least 5 days a week. I don’t have a lot of time, about 45 minutes, and I usually spend it at a relatively high intensity so I get some bang for my buck. People are starting to notice – I think 60 pounds was the threshold. I have read on other blogs that people are afraid to say something to you because they worry you are sick and thus losing a dramatic amount of weight. I have noticed that lately as people stare at me looking like they want to say something but holding back. But at the gym, they see you running and lifting weights so they can be fairly certain that you don’t have a disease that is forcing you to lose weight. And the bold are starting to comment. Today, an old man that is there at the same time every day with me said I would look like him in a year… I laughed and said I would rather have boobs! People are crazy. I might be crazy too 😉

It wouldn’t be my blog if we didn’t go scientific every once and awhile… how is it that pre-surgery, I would shake and sweat if I ate less than 1300 calories – but post surgery, I can eat 700-800 calories and still run 2 miles? Is it that my body is using its own storage of fat? Or was the whole blood sugar thing in my head? Or perhaps it is a combination of both? This is my question for my surgeon next week….

Slower….

I am no longer a 286 lb woman with a 46 bmi. I have to embrace that each time I step on the scale. I worked hard for the weight I lost before my first fill – and I will have to work increasingly hard as I get closer to 160 pounds. I know this. I know that losing 130 lbs is different than losing 61. Losing at all is a big deal, right? I have lost weight before, but never could I continue losing and never EVER could I keep it off. I weigh 221 lbs today. So why am I frustrated that my scale is moving slower? Deep breath… I am scared that once I hit one year, I won’t lose any more weight. That is 6 months from now – why am I freaking out? I probably won’t have many more 14 pound months ahead – and that scares me. Can I live with 5 lb months? I have to be able to. I have to be able to see the positive in a 5 lb month. 5 lbs is 5 lbs right?

So much talk online now about the FDA potentially lowering the BMI requirements for the band. I read too much – I read about lack of long term data and it scares me. What does my future hold? Up until now, I just wanted to get the band and get skinnier and healthier. Will I reach my goal? Will I be able to maintain it? Statistics say that 75% of all lapband patients will lose 65% of their excess body weight in 18 months. My statistics show that I have lost 50% of my excess body weight in 5 months. That’s good right? But what’s waiting around the corner? Can I really do this?

Ok enough Molly – let’s focus on the positive – I ran 2 miles straight yesterday. I did it! And I walked away… not limping 😉 If that is not a significant improvement, nothing is.

I liked the old Molly better.

This from the mouth of a drunk “friend”…. thanks.
Really? You liked the tired, fat, unhappy Molly better? Or did you like the Molly who constantly overcompensated for her weight by being OVERLY gregarious and crazy? That one? That’s the one you liked? Or did you really prefer the Molly that did shots with you? Just an FYI, I didn’t like the old Molly too much. But really, I am the same Molly, just without the shroud of weight weighing me down and making me uncomfortable. Yes, the new Molly doesn’t do shots – but I chose to give up shots of tequila in order to renew my self-esteem and live a longer healthier life for my children. Seems like a reasonable trade to me…. too bad my “friend” doesn’t agree. Bye bye Friend. My band and I don’t need you anymore.

NO FREAKING WAY!!!!

Real deal, no lie – I was a 24 when I had surgery. The smallest size I have in my closet is an 18. I have been wearing them firmly belted lately, resolving not to waste my money on size 16s and to just wait it out for awhile. I broke down the other day and ordered a pair of 16s from Old Navy. They came today and I was scared to try them on – didn’t want to be discouraged. THEY ARE LOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was crying and dancing around in them and my 7 year old daughter was like, “Are you okay?” YES I AM OKAY!!!!!!!!! I am more than OK!!! I cannot believe it. I am sooooo happy today. Today is a great day.

One other note: Today I have lost 63 pounds – EXACTLY half way to my goal of 160. 63 pounds to go! The first took me 5 months – even if the second takes me a year, I am in love with my band – and my future.